Sunday, September 30, 2012

A laugh

A young woman went to an evening class to improve her sexual capabilities. When she gets there, she sees an apple, an orange and a pear hanging on strings from the ceiling, and a piece of chalk and a black-board. "What is all this for?" she asked. The instructor tells her to stand between the hanging fruit, and she does. "Now," said the instructor, "swing your hips to the left and touch the apple, now swing your hips to the right and touch the pear, then swing your hips forward and touch the orange." The young woman starts to rotate her hips, and soon gets a good rhythm going. "This is great," she said enthusiastically "but what is the chalk for?" "When you've got the hang of the fruit," said the instructor, "I want you to stick the chalk up your ass and write 'Mississippi' on the black-board twenty times."

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Classy Whore

The Classy Whore

The chocolates arrived with out a card. The giant teddy bear was delivered with a big red bow.  Then he showed up with two dozen American red beauties. I love it when a man knows just the right things to get my attention! Our table at the restaurant was in the corner with just the right lighting. I slipped my hand under the table and found his cock. Then I slipped down under the table and began sucking his cock hard. The waiter came and my date ordered our food with a cough and grin. I finished my appetizer quickly and found my seat again. I pulled my mirror compact out to check my lipstick. With a grin I licked the last drop of his cum off my chin. When a man knows how to treat me like a lady.....I show him a classy whore.
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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A laugh

Every Time A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the pre screening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions. "Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband sweetly. Glancing wearily over at his wife, trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, he sighed, "Every time."

Monday, September 24, 2012

A cute joke

The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation. "Brothers, sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise." Not a woman stirred. The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are truly virgins." And still not a woman stirred. Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of experiencing a small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the Almighty: Let all virgins stand!" And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully. The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand." And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"

A cute sex quiz

Lets face it, most of us men think of ourselves as gifted lovers who only take small, but necessary breaks from the rigors of sex in order to earn a living or catch a ballgame. We are all sex gods, knowledgeable in ancient sexual techniques that get women so aroused just the sight of us will send them into hours of sexual ecstasy. Of course, we also believe we buy Hustler only to make a statement about free speech. The truth is, most men spend more time talking about sex than engaging in it (with the possible exception of phone sex, when both occur simultaneously), and even fewer of us know the first thing about the subject. Would you like to prove you actually have the knowledge to match your ego? Just take this test:

1) The true definition of safe sex is:

A) Using a condom.
B) Having your penis laminated.
C) Dating only Janet Reno look-a-likes.
D) Rigging your waterbed with a padded headboard that serves as a flotation device (in the unlikely event of a water landing).

2) Your woman believes an enormous penis to be:

A) Very important.
B) Similar to the Loch Ness Monster; an unproven legend she believes resides deep inside some foreign body.
C) Only important in the event the Energizer Bunny stops pounding away.
D) Her preferred method for scratching a tickle in her throat, but she has switched to cough drops since meeting you.

3) The biggest myth about sex is:

A) Masturbation will make you blind.
B) (Read B again).
C) People who write sex quizzes are not sexually gifted.
D) You might actually get to experience it some day.

4) Women think that a man with huge hands:

A) Has a great chance of being picked up when hitchhiking.
B) Always gets caught in the cookie jar.
C) Never fails to start the "wave" at sporting events.
D) All of the below.

5) Your penis is so small:

A) Your condoms are often mistaken for thimbles.
B) Whenever a woman sees it, you try to convince her you used to date Lorena Bobbit.
C) You joined a coed nude water polo league hoping the icy water might help when the women compared you to the other men.
D) You pray America will switch to the metric system so you can say it's a "6."

6) Women prefer that sex be:

A) Slow and passionate.
B) Fast and rough.
C) With anyone but you.
D) All of the above.

7) The quickest way to tell if a man is lousy in bed:

A) They ask if you believe that it is possible for a woman to enjoy sex.
B) When they hear the term "French tickler," they ask what it is called if they do not speak French.
C) They call the cleaners to order G-Spot remover.
D) They take "sexual knowledge" quizzes.

8) The most popular sexual position is:

A) Missionary.
B) "69."
C) Doggie style.
D) Quarterback.

9) What is the best use for baby oil?

A) You mix it with vinegar and use it as a dressing on salads when the vegetables aren't ripe yet.
B) To silence all those annoying squeaky babies.
C) During daytime sex when the woman will actually see your face and need desperate help to become wet.
D) It should never be used because too many babies must be squeezed in order to get just one bottle.

10) It's always best to buy extra pairs of edible panties:

A) So you will have a snack for the drive home.
B) To hand out to the hot little 4-year-olds in your neighborhood when they say "trick or treat."
C) It is?
D) Mom always warned you to wear clean ones in case you are ever in an accident.

11) A guaranteed way to reach orgasm in under 10 seconds is:

A) Do what you always do.
B) Refer to answer A.

12) The thing that makes the average male incredibly horny is:

A) A sheep dressed by Frederick's of Hooterville.
B) Oxygen.
C) Going without sex for 6-8 minutes.
D) Being in an oxygen tent with a sheep dressed by Frederick's of Hooterville that you haven't had sex with for 6- 8 minutes.

For each:
A = 5 points
B = 1.377 points
C =subtract 2.11 points
D = 0 points
E = 2,500 points
If You Scored: Between -27.43 and +2,560 points: You have too much free time. Stop taking sex quizzes and go find a friend other than your right hand.

Friday, September 14, 2012

I decided to wear leather. I love the way it feels next to my skin. Soft but strong. Like a mans hands. I love when a man takes my breast in his hands and squeezes with strength and demand. Such a turn on. So tell me this skirt too short?
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Class isnt about being a bitch.

I learned at my grandmothers knee that being classy wasn't being a bitch or having money or being a snob. It is about doing and saying things that are right, fair, and positive for others.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I had just gotten back from my trip and the limo driver was late. Which was a little irritating considering how tired I was. When he finally showed up, he showed up with a trainee. Great . Just what I wanted to deal with. I got into the car and we went down the road and sure enough we came up on stopped traffic. A 15 car pile up with a tanker rolled had just happened. It would be hours to get through. Luckily the driver knew another way around. So through the boonies we went. Then the transmission in the limo just died. Talk about bad luck. The car was running, but it wouldnt go any where. The only air conditioning that was working was in the back of the car with me. It would be 2 hours for another car to show up. It would be another 2 hours before a tow truck would show up. I was seriously upset by this point, but even so, I behaved as a lady and invited to two drivers into the back with me to keep cool. Both men were well built and I needed to let off some steam. I looked at the driver and told him to let me see his cock. His look was comical at first but then he did as I asked. Luckily he had a nice fat cock that I went to work on with delight. After a minute or two I looked up from my treat and his moans of pleasure to look over at the other driver. I asked him why he hadn’t gotten to work tasting my pussy. I pulled up my skirt and then went back to enjoying his co workers cock. He got the idea quickly and I found out his tongue was quite talented. I spent the next couple hours enjoying those men and I can assure you with as much cum I had swallowed and still had in my cunt I know they enjoyed our time together.