Thursday, October 4, 2012
Hurts Boot camp. Duluth, Minnesota. February. Six A.M. Six below zero. The Sergeant bellows "Outta those bunks! Birthday suit inspection! I want you to fall in outside, NOW! Buck nekkid! Stand close enough to make the man in front of you smile! MOVE, YOU FUCKERS!" The barracks quickly empty, the men fall in and shiver at attention. The Sergeant hollers "LOOSEN RANKS!" The ranks separate a bit. The Captain approaches, carrying a swagger stick. With the stick, he swats one of the men across the chest. "Did that hurt, Mister?" the Captain demands. "No, SIR!" the recruit shouts. "Why not?" barks the Captain. "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!" The Captain nods, and moves on down the front rank a bit. He whacks another man across the butt. "Did that hurt, Mister?" "No, SIR!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!" Satisfied, the Captain continues on down the rank. He notices that one of the men is sporting a huge erection, and brings his stick down sharply on the proffered target. "Did that hurt, Mister?" "No, SIR!" "Why not?" "Because it belongs to the fellow behind me, SIR!"
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the drinker was bored. He sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation, turned to bartender and said, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress.." "Stop -- I *don't* permit talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender. A few minutes later the gent tried again, "People say about the Pope ... " "No religion talk, either," the bartender cut in. "Look, how about sex. Can I talk sex?" "Sure." "Then fuck you."
Sunday, September 30, 2012
A young woman went to an evening class to improve her sexual capabilities. When she gets there, she sees an apple, an orange and a pear hanging on strings from the ceiling, and a piece of chalk and a black-board. "What is all this for?" she asked. The instructor tells her to stand between the hanging fruit, and she does. "Now," said the instructor, "swing your hips to the left and touch the apple, now swing your hips to the right and touch the pear, then swing your hips forward and touch the orange." The young woman starts to rotate her hips, and soon gets a good rhythm going. "This is great," she said enthusiastically "but what is the chalk for?" "When you've got the hang of the fruit," said the instructor, "I want you to stick the chalk up your ass and write 'Mississippi' on the black-board twenty times."
Friday, September 28, 2012
The chocolates arrived with out a card. The giant teddy bear was delivered with a big red bow. Then he showed up with two dozen American red beauties. I love it when a man knows just the right things to get my attention! Our table at the restaurant was in the corner with just the right lighting. I slipped my hand under the table and found his cock. Then I slipped down under the table and began sucking his cock hard. The waiter came and my date ordered our food with a cough and grin. I finished my appetizer quickly and found my seat again. I pulled my mirror compact out to check my lipstick. With a grin I licked the last drop of his cum off my chin. When a man knows how to treat me like a lady.....I show him a classy whore.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Every Time A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the pre screening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions. "Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband sweetly. Glancing wearily over at his wife, trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, he sighed, "Every time."
Monday, September 24, 2012
The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation. "Brothers, sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise." Not a woman stirred. The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are truly virgins." And still not a woman stirred. Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of experiencing a small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the Almighty: Let all virgins stand!" And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully. The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand." And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do you expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"